The great, big white world.....

Wow.

2009-12-25T21:24:00.000-08:00

So it's been a while and with the end of the year just around the corner I thought I should start writing a little more...And it helps improve my typing skills as well. Life's been...Well life. I've had many ups as well as downs...make that mental almost breakdowns haha. But other than that...I've turned 21 and still have no clue to do with my life....i got a new computer and it's pretty sweet. I can't believe someone would give me one.

As Danny and I were driving back home from South City he mentioned that I could be a writer if i wanted because i have somewhat of an imagination. I cant deny i spend most of my day wondering about the most bizarre and out of this world but what in the hell would I write about? I love music but how would I tie that into writing? I know I can write for days on end if givenm a chance I just need a bird or something to point me in the right direction.

On a completely random note, i'm on a search for the funkiest soul music there is out there I listened to a few tunes about a week ago at a friends house and I was wowed but didn't catch any of the artists names!

Suuuunday.

2009-04-26T11:06:00.000-07:00

Life is pretty crazy...It just id right??
I've been readin more and more and I gota say it's been opening up my views on how others see the world.
This book im reading "Tweak" is about a local San Franciscan who is addicted to pretty much evry drug he does...He talks about how he likes being high all the time despite having to have sex with men in exchange for drugs, sleeping on the streets, never eating and such and such...That what else id life for?? It's just funny to me how others view their lives and the world.
I think life is what you make of it....If thats how you're happy, then ok go for it just don't destroy those around you.

Happy Friday :)

2009-03-20T12:49:00.000-07:00

So I keep having drems about having kids its so weird!! I had another one last night and it was just me saying how I can't leave my baby for more than two hours cuz she needs me. During the dream though I didn't see me baby and I was back in San Diego living where my aunts live talking to my cousin.
I got my nails done and I like it a lot but I can't type for shit now. Hahaha. I hadn't gotten them done since I started working at Autozone and its just nice. I get ragged on by all my friends that I have big man hands so hahaha now I have big chick hands or tranny hands lol.
Thats all.

Religion.

2009-03-04T10:02:00.000-08:00

I'm not a religious person...At all. I'm just tired of having it shoved down my throat as the the way you "have" to live. It's complete bullshit.
I was watching tv last night and I watch Mexican soap operas onm a daily basis. Enough of that, in both soaps that I watch, Virgin mary is like huge in the freakin show. Hey man I don't mind and totaly respect someone who completely devotes themselves to Jesus or Mary or God or whoever dude do your thing, but just don't force it upon other people. Not everyone who watches these shows are strictly Christian or Catholic.
Just to clarify things up: I'm not bashing on any religion and completely have respect for all religions out there.
Just please please please, don't try to convince the rest of the world by force that your religion is THE religion that will save us because then, you just get annoying and completely miscomprehend why we bash on you and we're called "Satanists" or "Atheists" and we're going to hell or be re-incarnated into a worm.
At this point in life, I will admit I'm not entirely sure of what I believe in but that doesn't make me evil or satanic as some people have called me. Go sacrifice a virgin or something get the fuck out of my face.

Mexicans are stupid.

2009-02-19T22:39:00.000-08:00

And this makes me kinda sad!!! I was watching this show where a young lady had a blood transfusion and the blood that was giver to her had the HIV Virus. She falls in to the hospital about a year later cuz she didn't know she had it and her friends found out and dissed her completely. I know it's a show on tv but the sad truth is, that'sreally how uneducated Mexicans treat someone with the HIV or AIDS. It's stupid. It makes me so mad. Is it so fucking hard to sit down and listen to the facts?? Any idiot here in this country knows that HIV is only spread through semen, vaginal fluids, breast milk, and direct blood contact. If you didn't know, now you fucking do. I fucking hate ignorant closed minded people.
But anyway....I got paid and I'm paying people off :) I'm getting some relief and I'm pretty optimistic about finding a job in San Jose soon.
I've been having the strangest feelings ever. I think it's just human nature to feel this way but I think I want a kid. I know I won't for a long time but shit man I just can't help it when I see kids my heart just melts. I just don't want to be the stereotype latina that has a handful of kids by age 25 and can barely support herself. I want to be able to live comfortably and be happy with my children, not struggle. I know, I'm pretty dumb. I just probably can't wait for motherhood.

Dreams...

2009-02-11T10:51:00.000-08:00

I think that all of my imagination just goes to my dreams. I let it all out cuz man I have some off it dreams, nd great dreams, crazy, unexplaiable ones. I'm not too creative in real live life but man in my dreams, weird shit goes down. I've been really trying to understand what dreams represent in a persons life, so I have been reading articles here and there about the meaning of them.
I had a great dream last night where I was walking along with my brother by a gas station and some random guy came by and gave me the keys to my car!! My black on black Acura...It was a moment of hapiness. He asked for my honda and I handed the keys to him and I got in my car. Driving it was so nice!! He had fixed it and it just looked so clean and nice. I was so happy and I had my girls in the car with me and we were in Daly City where some 7 11 is suppose to be. Weird ass dream.
So I read in an article that when you drem of driving a car it means that you have ambition in your life...I hope it's true!!
Sam is going into labor and I am nervoussss.....Kinda...I'm afraid her labor will be very long and excrutiating but hey man she didn't prepare one bit for it...Just kinda sat on her ass all nine months complainin she was tired. I say that when you are becoming a mother, you should be able to hold in every feeling you have and do things cuz your baby is what is important now and how you take care of your body determines how that baby will come out. You have to set all lazyness aside and walk as much as possible to keep that baby healthy and pumpin. And you stay in shape too!! I dunno maybe I'm just nuts or should have no say cuz I haven't been all the way pregnant but all I know is that when you become a mother, the only thing that matters is your baby's health.
I think thts's why dumb ass bitches that have kids too younf and then all they wanna do is party because their stupid small brains couldn't figure out the concept of birth control when they got knocked up shouldn't be mothers at all. They don't take care of their kids and all they care aboput is their looks. I didn't say every young mother is like this so don't start bashing bitches. I know some very responsible loving teenage moms who took full responsibility and are doing a very fine job as mothers.
That's all I have to say today.

Gaaahhhh

2009-02-04T22:19:00.000-08:00

I think that old people shounld not be allowed on the road. Really can someone tell me who gave really old people the right to drive at their age?? They should be having their kids or grandkids man....I'm not sayng this to be a ahter, but old people can barely even walk on their own so why are we letting them operate a machine!! They don't use turn signals, drive ten to twenty miles UNDER the limit, and can never make up their mind about when to turn into their drive way, if that's even their driveway.
Anyway, I'm tired of this working away from my home situation. I need a job near home and holy fuck is it hard. I'm working yeah and that's great but I wanna come home to my own home every night, come home to my man who misses me. I'm really getting mad about this I wish it was aesier to find a job I've applied EVERYWHERE. Fuck that shit man.
I feel like running right now for some reason.

What the fuck....

2009-01-30T08:35:00.001-08:00

I have some fuckin off the wall dreams. I had a dream last night that started out in a field...Like kind of a marsh place it was weird there was dry solid dirt ground with some tall bushes like the kind you see ducks in and I was on a field trip with hella people, including my family...We all went to school together.
Well we were looking around for frogs forsome reason and someone was pointing some out and I went to the bathroom...While I was in the bathroom, two girls came in and started talking a whol lot of shit about me, calling me a whore and that they were planning on throwing me in one of the ponds outside for being such a bitch. Being enraged, I got out of my stall, kicked one of the doors open and proceeded to beat the shit out of one of the girls. It was so dark in that bathroom, I didn't even see who the hell she was I was just so full of energy I kept kicking her and punching her without even seein what I was hitting.
After that whole ordeal, I went outside as if nothing had happened and found the group I was with and some really big buff guy picked me up, I guess he was my boyfriend or something in the dream, and we got back in the bus and headed back.
I guess I went back home but I was back in my old house when I used to live with my aunt and the lighting was so off...But we were all talking and my cousin Cynthia I guess went to the same school as I did and my cousin Dina was there and asked if we had heard about the girl that got beat up in the bathroom on our field trip. Then Cynthia answered her and said that yeah she did and that the girl had committed suicide after because she was pregnant and the beating had caused her baby to die. I acted as if nothing had happened but then weird shit started to happen and all these signs that I was going to hell started appearing all over the place it was fucking weird.
I told my brother what i had done and he started freaking out and we got into my car with my step dad and we were just driving forever on the freeway and we got off at some intersection and there was a very very pretty girl waiting for the light and I got out of the car and started talking to her but I couldn't hear her and then all the lights went out and cars started crashing all around us and she dissapeared. Then I started walking up the street and the guy that had picked me up earlier in the dream was there again running to me holding his arms out saying he was glad I wasn't dead...
Then I woke up. Weird fucking dream I don't get it I really don't.

Estoy loca.

2008-12-18T11:33:00.000-08:00

So taking a little itty trip to Oakland yesterday was not the best idea my mom could have. She wanted to go to some outlet they had and I must say, ridiculous savings but so not worth the ignorant people that were there. I did grow up in the ghetto of San Diego(City Heights), so don't satrt bashing mewith that bullshit that I don't know what it's like because I do assholes. So as we were there, I was parking the truck in a kind of enclosed space but shit man I know how to park and came close to a car but I knew I wasn't going to hit it and parked just fine. I had the window down and some girl was in the car next to me on her phone yappin away and said "Damn, some people don't be knowin how ta drive" and proceeded with shit talkin about how I almost hit their shitty rusted ass Cadillac. Seriously??? If it was a 2009 m5 then hey, talk all the shit you want I wouldn't want anyone ithin five feet if I had that car. But until then, keep yopur moth shut bitch! I smiled as I was rolling up the window and said "Don't worry, I can drive, I have my license for a reason". Bitch was mad. Hahaha. I just got out and laughed it.
That's not what got me mad at all. I wasn't even mad. I was jt amazed to see that people can be so ignorant and not want to better themselves. I used to live in these places but you don't se me trying to act like I'm fucking Carmen Electra while shopping in an outlet. You had a few women dressed like it was fucking prom night bitching that if they fell with all the clothes on the floor they would sue. Shut it bitch you're in a fucking crowded ass store buying discounted clothes. Shut up.
I think what get's me most is that I think they're happy this way. They don't want to better themselves for the great of good. It's all good though all I can do is just smile an wave and educate myself so I don't have to annoy people the way they do.
I've been having some weirdo dreams lately. Topless, pregnant dreams in pools. Hahaha. I read up their meanings though so I'm alittle relived to know what they are.

Bloom.

2008-12-03T09:45:00.000-08:00

Most of my titles never have anything to do with what I write about. Get used to it!
I just found out that my friend Nick's aunts died recently...Yes I said aunts and that's what sucks the most...It wasn't just one....It was two, blood sisters to his dad, one after the other. First one passed away from cancer and the second one in her sleep. I can only imagine the pain he must be going through. It makes me think about things...A lot of things.
I really miss my dad. Not my biological one either cuz him I can care less about, but the only man I will ever call my dad. Andres. Holy christ he was the only one that ever gave a shit about us and took time to do everything to raise us right and be there when we needed a real dad. But why is it that every good man has a really raunchy fault to him? He was a drug dealer. Bigtime fucking drug dealer. He was in debt with the drug lord I guess and to make up for the loss, he gave them my mom's brand new mustang that he had bought her at the time, making it look like it got stolen. Appearantly it wasn't enough, they came by our house while he was at work looking for him and I opened the door and when they asked for him, I saw that they each had two guns inside their jackets. I knew it was bad. Long story short, he got his ass kicked, he and my mom got seperated, and he moved. He sent me a christmas note and that was the last I heard of him. Not too long ago my mom let me know that he was killed. Didn't explain anything else to me but I felt the world just collapsing. I loved that man so much, he's the only dad I've ever had and no one will replace him.
We're grown up not so I guess we'll move on but my brother is bitter about not having a dad. He doesn't admit to it but I know it's true. I feel bad but maybe that will make my brother be a better father when his time comes.

Like an aborted fetus in a jar that opend its eyes...

2008-10-21T19:07:00.000-07:00

It's getting colder. Winter will be freeziong balls this year.Lately after I get off work, I just want to sleep and do nothing else. I don't think that's too healthy. And I always have a headache too.
I suck at typing. I can't type without looking at the keyboard it drives me crazy. Everytime I take typing test I get like a zillion errors. I need to learn if I ever wanna get a job that requires a lot of typing. Ha ha.
Damn I feel like life sucks but I'm NOT emo. Hahaha. I'm not gonna go cut my pale arms and make it seem like an accident to concern people. Fuck that pussy shit. I'm taking life as an adult. Dealing with it as it comes. I have this friend that rarely talks to me anymore but last time we did speak she just sounded so goth, poetic, sad about life. To be honest, I might have been that way but the more shit you go through, the more mature you become about situatiuons. Come to think of it, I don't even know what she was so sad about....She's like 16 so it might be a teenage thing. I dunno...I talk about nonsense crap I am aware. :)
I finally dyed my hair a non-natural color after over a year. Blue and purple rule. :D

Fuck you.

2008-10-08T09:47:00.000-07:00

I start my new job today. Pretty excited about it I guess I jus need to make my money so I can get outta here sooner. Woo!
I pretty much fixed my car so it's drivable now and I got a clb and an alarm for it. I just got an intake yesterday so I'm working my way up to putting a decent radio in it :)
I got into a big fight with one of my managers at AutoZone yesterday. I was on my lunch break and this retard is in the back doing god knows what and the store is super packed so I help out my coworker who is trying to juggle ten people at once. So I'm helping and when the store dies down, he comes and and bitches that why am I in the front when I'm on my lunch and I tell him why and he starts to yell telling me to not disrespect him. So I'm not taking his bulllshit and stand up for myself telling him that while the store was busy as hell, he was in the back and all I was doing helping out while he was jerking off in the back and he lost it and started walking towards me with rage in his eyes. So seconds before getting in my face and me almost biting his head off, my co worker who I was helping came between us and stopped him from getting any closer to me. I was so angry I wanted to bite that old fuck's head off and spitting it at his body. Now we're dealing with his old ass who ratted everything out and now we're being questioned for the incident but we have witnesses that saw everything. Fun day haha.

Dying to be thin....

2008-10-02T17:34:00.000-07:00

No, I'm not. To be honest I'm quite happy with my body. I used to be so self concious about the way I looked and cuz I didn't look like most girls around me...I was never to be fully naked in front of anyone...Not even at night. It suckled like hell cuz I acutally used to be a lot thinner than where I'm at now but I feel good about myself now.
Sadly though, now that I finally feel good about myself, people are noticing that I have gained weight and kinda bugging me about it. It's kinda making me go back to feeling the same way I did jus a couple years ago. Women, as well as men, come in all shapes and sizes and what you see on magazines and tv about the ideal chest or butt..Is so much BULLSHIT. I've never in my life have rejected anyone based on looks at all because that's not what it's about...it's about what they're made up of on the inside...I know I sound like an annoying femmenist bitch but I've gone through feeling isolated for being different, and I don't wanna go back to feeling that way...It blew hard balls.

Speed limit: 65.

2008-10-02T10:17:00.000-07:00

So I haven't been to work in about two weeks now...With no pay! Hahaha I'm gonna be mad stupid broke for a while but it's ok I have two jobs now so I'll be ok :) I need to save up as much as I can to get the hell out of here!
Medical insurance sucks. After getting my cyst removed, I had to go sign up for MediCal(California's healthcare system....Not bad service), and I got denied cuz I'm not 21. How are we suppose to survive here! I have no insurance at my wonderful, now part time job, and I make barely enough to pay all my junk so are we suppose to never have an accident until we're 21 and old enough to sign up for this service? I had to turn to my mom and she has to be the one signing up for it...I don't like asking her for anything because she holds it against me forever. I've been on my own for a while, still living at home but I pay my rent, pay utilities I use, buy, food, my own clothes and such since I've been working. I just simply don't like asking her for help because it makes her feel like I need her for everything.
So my friend Sam has come to realize that she has been a douche to her friends over a stupid guy. That makes me happy hear that she's doing a little growing up I just hope she really starts taking care of herslef to give that baby a good future and she needs to eat!! I care about her and don't want anything bad to happen to her so I have to look out for her like the little sister that I look at her as.

Jungle Love...

2008-09-27T12:08:00.001-07:00

Title has nothing to do with anything. Ha. Anyways...Fun stuff. Well my giant gash on my ass seems to be healing well. It's itchy as hell. Hahaha...Itchy ass. Don't worry I've showered.
I'm stuck on a slow r&b song(Love by Musiq Soulchild), dunno why either. I'm very open to all music I just can't stand modern shit that only talks about money, drugs, and shaking something. Ha. I like 90's stuff a lot.
My car...My baby. Those stupid fuckers that took it completelt stripped it and raped it. Twice. They took my 17inch black rims with the tires, my spare tire, my tools I had in the trunk, my stock speakers, stereo, floormats, work clothes, battery, cold air intake, registration, plates, and even my little devil guy I had hanging on my rearview mirror! I think now I'm ore mad about that. Haha. Of course I broke down and cried like a little girl but I'm over it. Let those crackheads or heroin fiends enjoy it and sell all my stuff to feed their addiction. I hope I get to be the lucky one that finds them overdosing. I knwo they were drug addicts of some sort cuz I found needle packs and some yellow crusty stuff inside a beer cap. Whatever. For now, I just have to get my shit together and bring my baby home. At least they didn't wreck it. It's a definate fixer now.
I start my new job in two weeks :) I went in yesterday and the chick there was so nice and explained what was gonna happen. It's close to home so that's always great.
I feel very uncomfortable like I feel anxious and unsettled but I think I'm just growing up a little more.

Damn.

2008-09-23T22:23:00.000-07:00

Crazy stupid fun. I spent the rest of the weekend with my boyfriend :) But my car was stolen from me again so that sucks. They found it but now I have to pay some huge fine to get it back but nonetheless, it's back to me. The little fucktards took my rims...They weren't the geatest set either...17 Inch scratched up mo fos with low pro tires. But I guess? I have my car back and that's all that antters.
I was in the emergency room last night....I have...Well I had a cyst the size of a ping pong ball that was just unbearable and I was crying like hell..So I spent the night at Jesseca's cuz I was gonna start work early but I was in so much pain that she ended up taking me to the hospital like at eleven and I was there till aboput elevn this moring. Crazy. They oopened me, took it out and when I was ready to leave, I blacked out. They rushed me back inside, and stuck an IV in me to hydrate me. I had gone all night with no food or water in me so all those drugs drained me. It made me sad when I was levaing though cuz my family didn't have time to come get me. It sucks that I can fully depend on my friends for anything but my family is never anywhere to be found. I feel so rejected and unappreciated by them I'm not doing jack shit for them anymore.
I found another job...They called me back today so I'm very excited. Well my ass hurts now so peace yo.

WHAT THE FUCK!

2008-09-19T11:25:00.000-07:00

I've had quite a week....Well First off, I have a cyst as big as a ping pong fucking ball on my ass crack....Make that two, one of them is just the bigger, more painful one. Well it got the point where my big ass cried because of the pain so I went to the nearby doctor to get it checked out and thanks to Autozone's(where I work) fantastic Work-for-no-benefits Program, I paid more than two hundred dollars in total for a two minute look at my crack to say that they couldn't even open me up and take the fucker out because it wasn't "ripe". So now I'm on medications of all sorts makinfg me all loopy and whatnot. As long as the pain is gone.

To make my life that much better, my car was missing this morning! I was gonna go to the store to pick up some groceries to make my boyfriend dinner this evening, mind you I am in San Jose, and what a shocker, my car was not where I had left it. I called the police, filed a report(which by the way that was probably the nicest officer ever), and have been here all day, Well I came in to use the computer here in Danny's room and WHAT THE FUCK??? My car, was back to where I had parked it last night! I ran outside, the ignition still on, nothing stolen from me except my iPod and my Excerdrin Migraine pills. Hmmm. Bored kids I guess? I dunno I was just in shock! I looked in the trunk and found a Valentine's day card, you know, those HUGE ones? To:Angie From:Gustavo "I love you baby always and forever". YEah fucking kids god damn it. I wanna find that kid and rip his pubic hairs off with my hands and make him eat pavement. Fucker. I have a beater car to begin with what the hell would they want with it? It was only driven for ten miles so who knows what they did with it. Maybe needed a place to fuck or something. There were some dirt marks in the back of the car so no doubt something happened.

Babble babble bitch bitch rebel rebel party party.....

2008-09-12T15:31:00.000-07:00

So I apllied for a bunch of other places and I got a call back within hours. Pretty cool but man it's gonna be a whore at first. I really need to get out of here though...I'm not trying to be a bitchy whore complaining that daddy didn't buy me a beamer so I'm running away now, I just need to take care of my own life not everyone I live with. I love my family so much and I would kill for each of them but golly, I can't be the mother in this picture. I know I keep on bitching about it but man it just gets me so heated. Wednesday my mom put together a party supposibly for the kids and what ended up happening? She invited HER friends, drank, and expected me to do all the work for her cuz I'm the oldest and the only one that know's how to do anything at all. I just wanted to eat and be with my friends and boyfriend and have a good time because she was suppose to hosting the damn event. It's ok though I'll be leaving in a few months ^_^

Sweet Justice.

2008-09-04T11:13:00.000-07:00

So I got my first speeding ticket about a month or so ago and I went to court today and man was the judge so friendly...I showed up with a smile on my face and greeted him with respect and he just smiled and proceeded to read out what I was there for and took off two hundred from my original fine and sent me on my happy way. Now I just have some online course to take and woo it's done. Sometimes I just love being a chick, I can just play a sweet role for someone and bam I'm good to go =]

Long Weekend...

2008-09-03T22:12:00.000-07:00

I don't know if it was memorial day weekend or labor day?? Hahaha I wouldn't know. Point being...I spent the weekend with friends and family and I must say, I had tons of fun. On Sunday, the entire northern Cali Cisneros family(the important fun side =D) went up to Healdsburg where my uncle lives and went swimming up in the Russian River. Being there with evryone made me realize a few things about my culture...Holy crap I love being Mexican!! Really though despite the raunchy ones and stupid ghetto ones that make us look terrible to everyone else, Mexicans are all about la familia and supporting one another no matter how bad we fuck up.
Take my aunt Alina, she understands all of us and doesn't judge you even if you killed someone...Man she's just great.
We're also one hell of an open family...I know a lot of families that won't talk to their kids about personal things like sex or relationships or booty calls, but we can talk about everything with comfort and ease.
Aside from all that, man we all eat and drink like no others =]

Revelations.....

2008-08-29T11:57:00.000-07:00

I've just come to realize...I don't give a shit what anyone thinks anymore...I used to be so quiet and care so much about impressinf people but nowI have my ideas and my thoughts of the world and I can care less if I offend people or if the church down the street approves of what I do....I mean I've never been a religious person but whatever you get me. I f I think something is stupid and pointless, I will let people know and don't care if you never talk to me just because you are so closed minded and think you're ideas are right...hahaha fuck you. The thing is, I will listen to other people's idea even if the are psycho as hell or just retarded so that's all I ask in return...I'm not trying to start up a church or burn one down either....I'm just realizing that I can say what I want and not give a shit. Good day now I'm gonna go kill a bunny.

Paren't trap...Part two.

2008-08-29T11:33:00.000-07:00

So one of the people I know just turned 21 and she's all celebrating and what not...So you're asking what's wrong with the picture? It's fantastic that she's 21 and all but she has a two year old daughter and she's been partying it up like hell and where is her child in all this?? In the FUCKING parties with her.....WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU STUPID ASS!! Bringing a two year old into that kind of enviroment?? Wow can't wait to see what that kid's gonna turn out to be...And I'm not just ripping on her either it's a lot of dumb chicks that do this kindof shit...I remember once I went to my cousin's little house get together and it was cool you know drinking and everything until one of her friends came in with her one year old son and said that her son was gonna go to bed so she can start drinking....WHAT THE FUCK. If a girl has a kid because of poor contraceptive methods she decided to use...And being shit face plastered is not a birth control method...Nor is not remebering....Then suck it up be a fucking mother to your kids and handle the consequences that you have been handed to by life. Sure you can still have fun but please, you have a dependent now. Think of that when your kid falls off the stairs and you're too plastered to even walk up the damn stairs yourself. If girls wanna have fun(no pun intended I'm too mad to crack jokes) then get your fucking tubes tied as soon as you get your period and feel free to be the biggest whore known to the world and get all the STD's in the world for all I give a shit but don't do it while you son is sleeping in the next room. How fucking embarrassing.

I saw a gangsta cry...

2008-08-28T10:03:00.000-07:00

My second cousin got shot ten times this past Sunday and died instantly. I'm devistated but I really wasn't too close to him so I just feel terrible for his close family, he was such a cool guy. It made me start thinking...You hear about these gang affiliated shootings happening all the time and just talk about how dumb they are but when it happens to someone you know, damn it just sucks. Why the violence people? What makes it worse is that it's latinos against latinos...Aren't we suppose to be a united race and make our futures better for each other by lending a hand to one another? It really makes me ashamed to be Mexican sometimes because we are the only culture that battles within itself. Back to my family member(R.i.p Jorge Hurtado), it's a tragedy because he was going to start classes that monday and was not involved in any kind of gang, he just liked to have fun just like any other kid would.

Parent trap.

2008-08-26T18:14:00.000-07:00

I listen to the local radio show every morning and today they were discussing parenting methods. It's amazing how times have changed and how society views parenting. Honestly, I think that a smack here and there never killed anyone just don't go all out and give your kids a black eye. I personally don't have kids but I do have a two year old sister who pretty much is my kid and I have pretty much raised her. It irritates the hell out of me when the idiots who speak out about parenting don't even have kids of their own so who the fuck are they to tell us how to raise our children?
Take for example: Your kid wants ice cream after throwing their less-than-half-eaten meal and you say no. They start whining and throwing a fit to test you and see what they can get away with. What do you do? Let them cry, kick, and scream all they want even if it causes attention, take them out of the ice cream shop get in the car and spank the little brat. He/she isn't going to get anything they want just by yelling. People should teach their kids what is right and what is wrong and when they want something, stupid parents should say no and no means no.

Ride the lightning

2008-08-21T10:01:00.000-07:00

New Metallica is debuting today and I must say I can't wait to hear what they have created. I remember how big of a hype everyone made when St. Anger(2003) came out and how they had said that they were leaning towards a "Slayer" type of sound and when it did finally release, oh man was it terrible. So I'm hoping that they do go back to the sound that made them what they are known for. Personally I like their mid to late eighties albulms(Master of Puppets, And Justice..., Metallica) But we'll see what's in store for us when the new song, "The Day that Never Comes" is released into streaming radio.

Still in the topic of music, there was a story that I heard a couple days ago that a young boy in Africa wearing a Corey Taylor mask(member from band Slipknot...Known for singing about death, rape, samshing stuff) killed a couple classmates with a sword. Guess who they blame? Of course the band. Same scenario as Columbine, different band. It really irritates me that people are so closed minded and blame the obvious choice for why the kids go and shoot up places. Honestly, where the fuck are the parents in any of this? I mean, I listen to death metal and songs about stabbing, killing, running people over, cutting heads off, dead fetuses and so on and so forth but you don't see me creating a suicide cult and salughter sprinting. I think that these kids would still proceeed to do what they do even if they listen to gospel music because their anger and inner problems come from within themselves not from Murderdolls singing about sliting their wrists and who ever does listen to what these songs say and actually acft upon it, I'm glad they kill themselves for being so fucking stupid and not thinking for themselves. But that's just my opinion.

Kickin it old school....

2008-08-20T14:10:00.000-07:00

So I was doing some cleaning yesterday and I came across my old diary from when I was about fourteen through sixteen...I used to twite everyday in that thing and to my surprise, I haven't really changed. My thoughts about the world and everything around me are pretty much the same except, damn I was so depressed all the time. Maybe that's why I wrote a lot? I don't know what it was but I sure as hell wrote a lot about wanting to dissapear from the face of the earth. I of course no longer feel like that at all but I thought it was just interesting to look at the way I used to see myself. I also had huge self concience issues. I would during that period I would always refer to myself as ugly, fat, horrible, nerdy and so on and so forth...I was just amazed. Other than those two everything was pretty much the same, even my choise of words hasn't changed much.

When there's no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth...

2008-08-19T09:57:00.000-07:00

I love horror flicks especially when no one survives...I don't know why but something about everyone dying with no happy ending makes the movie worth watchin, according to me anyway. I'm not the type that gets scared easily by these films but I don't know why I keep dreaming about them.
In the dream I had last night, I was living in a suburban neighborhood with some people I really didn't know and then someone came knocking on the door and the person I lived with let them in and one of the girls looked like hell and proceeded to bite my roomate. Everyone is screaming and the zombie tries to hold me down to bite be but I grab it by the shoulder and smash her head on the wall and she dies. So I jump out the window and run down the street where it's flooded by people in a state of panic trying to get out of the city. I get to my uncles house and he has this huge truck was ready to take on these flesh loving monsters. So him and his family get in with me and a few people in the back of the truck with huge guns. We got to a point where we can't move so we head back to his house and spend the night there, awake and guarding the house. The dog turns into one of them so I shoot him, waking up the house in fear so we decide to try to start moving again. We get on and drive forver until we get to a lake where we start just living there...It was a weird dream and I woke up drenched in sweat. I would like to know what these dreams mean because it's npt the first time I dream about zombies.

Johnny got his Gun.

2008-08-18T15:03:00.000-07:00

That movie made me think a lot. It's an older movie about a soldier who gets his face, arms, and legs blown off in an explosion and by some miracle is still alive but is now deaf, blind, mute, and incapacitated to do anything at all for himself. He is completely alive and the doctors think he is a vegetable but he spends his dys and nights thinking and thinking. Great film in my opinion and I'm not sure if they might be doing a remake but it would rule if it was just as great as the original.

Still related to the film in some sort of way, I think it's finally marinating in me that my younger brother is leaving to the army. He leaves California in February of 2009 to South Carolina which isn't so bad because it'll just be his training but I think nine months after that he gets sent out to Iraq and honestly, I'm so scared. He is a very smart and strong young man but I know that deep inside he is scared and he is a coward. I'm sure he'll put his everything into being a success but I just fear that he will not be mentally prepared for what will be coming ahead for him. I love him with all my heart and want to see what he makes of himself.

I've got some crazy neighbors....Last night like around three a.m., I was awoken by the harsh sounds of the guy that lives downstairs banging on the window below my room yelling for his girlfriend to open the door for him....After a few bangs on the window he decides to run around the building and starts banging the fron gate iof the apartment complex like a psycho out of hell. Still screaming obsceneties to his girlfriend, I can hear him climb the fence, break into the house, and still screaming I'm guessing he proceeds to hit her(I'm assuming because the walls made it hard to hear a little), yell some more and burned rubber for about half a block. Crazzzzzy....

I just love Marilyn Manson ^_^

(Couldn't think of a title)

2008-08-13T18:00:00.000-07:00

Probably the rudest man pissed me off today. I think maybe he still believes he's in the sixties or something, but holy crap how is this man still walking this earth. I work in a car parts store(Autozone), and I guess being profiled based on my gender comes with the job or something because it's not the first time that something like this has happened. He came in and I asked if he needed anything and he said, with no shame or remorse, "No you can't, I want him to help me, women should not be allowed to work in these places."......I almost ripped his head off on the spot but being thr real woman I am, I was the mature one and let him talk his shit. Whatever his penis will rot and fall off soon. I hate how stupid and closed minded some people can be. It's not only old men either, most of the people that profile me are bitches!! Yes people, females just like me prefer to have a man help them when I know more than most of the guys ther. Wow.

On a lighter note...Micheal Phelps!! Wow what a great man. I'm not too crazy about the Olympics, but I did read up a little about this magnificent man. He's won eleven Gold(Yes, GOLD), medals and he's only twenty three. Jesus christ. He eats approximately 10,000 calories a day on average but holy man he looks like a god......I drool like a girl in fifthe grade over the Backstreet Boys.

Place for my head...

2008-08-11T14:21:00.000-07:00

Went camping for the weekend with the family and the boyfriend and man was it great. I'm dark as hell and my back burns like hell but very well worth it.

I've been thinking about a lot of stuff lately....But mostly about how excited I am to move in with Danny. I really am though....I'm not sure if it's just the freedom I will have from this nut job of a family, which don't get me wrong I love them to death, or that I'm just moving in with such a great person. He makes me feel good about myself, like I really am worth something in this place. I can't quite put it into words but belive me it's the best feeling ever. It isn't happening for a while but it IS going to happen and man I just can't wait.

I will miss my family however but I feel that this distance will be good for the family as a whole. Hopefully this will make my dependent mother finally realize that this three year old living with us is her child and not mine. Hey maybe she'll mature a bit while she's at it too. And with my younger brother leaving to the army come February of 09, she'll most definately have no one else to fully depend on to parent her child but herslef and her husband who I really hope moves in with her to really help her. I love my mom to death so this is why I really don't feel terrible about taking this decision. My whole life I've always been surrounded by my whole family so now it's my turn to make my own life and I'm excited/scared/happy.

I really want another job. Haha. Not that I hate mine I just need something more stable. And better paying wouldn't be so bad but we'll see what happens.

Sweet as water.

2008-08-06T21:34:00.000-07:00

Lots of random stuff going through my head......

I pretty much lost my so called best friend and you know what? It really doesn't bother me...I mean she would choose a hard cock over her real friends any day. Whatever though that's her choice. I've gone through friends and over time I guess I've come to realise who my real friends are. Maybe she just has a hard time understanding what it's really like to have true friends? I don't know.

Tattoos. Why can't they be accepted more? I mean if anything shouldn't that make a person better liked because they appreciate someone's art so much that they wear it permenantley on their skin for the rest of their lives? Hmm I guess not too the rest of society but someday we will all be walking murals and hey, I can dig it.

Them calls....So I figured I can just tell these losers to fuck off. I don't let it take over anything cuz they're just mad that I'm probably the happiest I've ever been. Really though, I've been with Danny over a year and I still get butterflies in my stomach when I see his name on my caller ID or when I recive a text....It's an incredible feeling. I'm stupid excited to move in with him.

Music rules....I want my career to have to do with music in some way shape or form. It just helps so much and I think this is true for a hell of a lot of people. It's like a therapy for me and man it just keeps me going!

I'm such a teenager without wanting to. Hahaha.

Make the calls stop......

2008-08-04T18:19:00.000-07:00

It annoys me like hell.....Calls from idiots I thought had completely forgotten about me. Just last night I had two calls from two different people who said the same shit, "Hey long time no see, I miss you, let's hang out". Are you fucking kidding me?? How do they even get my number after I changed it??I'm very happy with my boyfriend but it seems that these guys don't get it. I admit I had my share of fun back in the day but I'm done and through with that. Then it hit me...I think I made a reputation for myself as the quiet vulnerable girl. FUCK THAT!! I've grown up folks and have learned from experience. I've moved on to way better things now and don't need to look for that comfort, and by comfort I mean sex, anywhere else but in Danny's arms. I'm not sure if that made me a whore or not but damn it that made me feel like shit everytime they would say "Oh and don't let anyone find out" or "Let's keep this between you and me".

I dunno I guess I'm just annoyed.

I really want the calls to stop though.